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March 8, 2009
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1.) Because I don't like the idea that we came from apes… despite that humans are categorically defined and classified as apes.

2.) Because I'm too stupid and/or lazy to open a fucking science book or turn on the Discovery Science Channel.

3.) Because if I can't immediately understand how something works, then it must be bullshit.

4.) Because I don't care that literally 99.9% of all biologists accept evolution as the unifying theory of biology.

5.) Because I prefer the idea that a (insert god of choice) went ALLA-KADABRA-ZAM MOTHAH-FUCKAHS!!!

6.) Because I can't get it through my thick logic-proof skull that evolution refers ONLY to the diversity of living organisms which reproduce with genetic variation, not to abiogenesis, or planet formation, or big bang cosmology, or whether God exists, or where they buried Jimmy Hoffa, or why the sky is blue, or how many licks it takes to get to the center of a fucking Tootsie Pop.

7.) Because the fossil record doesn't comprise the remains of every single living thing that ever existed on this 4.5 billion year old planet, even though fossilization is a rare process that only occurs under very specific circumstances.

8.) Because science has yet to produce any transitional species… except for the magnitudinous numbers of them found in the fossil record which don't count because… I uh, OOH LOOK! A SHINY OBJECT!!! *runs away*

9.) Because I know nothing about Darwin except that he had a funny beard.

10.) Because the theory of evolution (which, according to scientists, perfectly explains the richness and diversity of life on Earth) contradicts biblical literalism… ya know, flat Earth with a firmament that keeps out the water, talking snakes, people rising from the dead, bats are birds, flamey talking bushes, virgin births, food appearing out of nowhere, massive bodies of water turning into blood… etc etc.

11.) Because I think the word "theory" actually means: "random stabs in the dark" when it really means: "an explanation of certain phenomena that is well-supported by a large body of facts and often unifies similarly well-supported hypotheses" i.e. atomic theory, gravitational theory, germ theory, cell theory, some-people-are-dumb-motherfuckers-theory, etc.    

12.) Because the fact that science is self-correcting annoys me. Most of my other beliefs are rigidly fixed and uncorrectable.

13.) Because I am under the severely mistaken impression that evolution implies someone in my very recent ancestry was a chimp.

14.) Because everything appears designed to my mind which was expertly tuned by nature to perceive design, probably as a survival mechanism.

15.) Because some secretly fabulous closet-dwelling televangelist (who unironically preaches hate towards gays) told me that evolution is Satan's way of leading me away from God.

16.) Because that same guy (who was also caught snorting blow off a male hooker's shiny naked ass) told me that God planted those fossils to test my faith.

17.) Because I'm 100% correct about everything 100% of the time and there is 0% chance that some snooty Oxford educated scientist with numerous honorary doctorates could possibly know something that I don't.

18.) Because I don't know that fossils are found in sedimentary strata corresponding to their age as one would expect if evolution were true.

19.) Because I don't understand why, if we share common ancestry with chimps, there are still chimps. And when someone with more than three brain cells in their head inevitably replies: "for the same reason Americans share common ancestry with Brits but there are still Brits, I can't follow the logic. It's just too big a leap. Who am I, Evil Knievel?

20.) Because my mom dropped me on my head when I was a baby.

21.) Multiple times.

22.) On purpose.

23.) Because the idea that life evolved naturally over billions of years is infinitely less believable than the idea that an 800 year old man crammed two of every species into a giant wooden boat when the entire planet flooded, an event for which there is absolutely no geological evidence whatsoever and also makes no fucking sense at all.

24.) Because Jesus totally rode around on a fucking t-rex. He's just that badassed. And also, did you know that t-rexes were vegetarians? Ken Ham says so and I believe it.

25.) Because I don't realize that saying "microevolution is possible but macroevolution isn't" is as stupid as saying "I can pick my nose for one second but I cannot pick it for 10 seconds."

26.) Because the education system failed me miserably.

27.) …and then took a big wet dump on my face.

28.) Because I think that knowing how nature works magically obliterates all of its beauty.

29.) Because I didn't know that evolution has been tested and observed in laboratories.

30.) Because when confronted with that, I refuse to believe it. It's obviously a scientific conspiracy aimed at turning everyone on the planet into atheists... even though evolution says nothing about god's nature nor whether he, she, it, or they exist.

31.) Because I'm too stupid to realize that Social Darwinism has nothing to do with evolution and is actually a pseudo-scientific bastardization that real science largely rejects.

32.) Because the planet and all the life on it was designed for humans… kinda like how the Metropolitan Museum of Art in NY was designed specifically for the dust-bunnies that may accumulate on the floors.

33.) Because I don't realize that if we actually found croco-ducks in the fossil record, it would call many evolutionary principles into serious question.

34.) Because plenty of respectable people like Ron Paul and Mike Huckabee (who are not scientists) don't accept evolution, and that somehow validates my opinion.

35.) Because my mother didn't know not to drink while she was pregnant. She also didn't know not to repeatedly throw herself down a flight of stairs in an attempt to undo the accident of screwing someone who voted for Bush both times.

36.) Because I don't know that "irreducible complexity" has been debunked a frazillion times by a frazillion different people and is no more credible an argument than "NEEN-er NEEN-er NEEN-er, I'm right and you're wrong."

37.) Because I have never seen a duck evolve into a cat over night, despite the fact that such a thing would be contrary to all known scientific disciplines.

38.) Because I have no imagination, learning is too much effort, I don't like proven facts, change scares me, and I think deoxyribonucleic acid is something I'm supposed to clean my bathroom floors with.

39.) Because evolution means that I absolutely MUST reject everything else I know, abandon all my beliefs, and start aping around my house like a fucking monkey. OOOh-ooohh-ooohohh -OOOOOOHHHHHH!!!!!

40.) Because I haven't put my cave on the market and moved into the 21st century yet. I'm waiting for the cave market to rebound from the recent financial meltdown.

41.) Because I don't know what an atavism is and if you told me, I still wouldn't believe it. Too weird.

42.) Because I don't know that evolution explains methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus and also provides the answer in preventing it from turning into a superbug and killing massive numbers of people.

43.) Because I don't know that evolution is routinely used in medicine to diagnose and treat certain illnesses such as genetic ailments, bacterial infections, and viral infections.

44.) Because I believe there is a strong comparison between designed inanimate objects such as buildings, paintings, and watches (which we know were pieced together from identifiable components by human beings) and living organisms (which reproduce with genetic variation under the effects of environmental attrition).

45.) Because I see no significant similarities between humans and apes. *scratches my ass-crack then smells my fingers*

46.) Because I think I'm too special to have been crafted by any natural process. In fact, I'm so fuckin special, the entire planet, solar system, galaxy, and universe were created with me especially in mind, yes, I am THAT hotdamn important.

47.) Because I unquestioningly swallow the ignorant anti-science bullshit spewed directly from the fraudulent stupid asses of people like Ken Ham, Ted Haggard, Fred Phelps, and Kent Hovind.

48.) Because I'm a freethinker and freethinking really means ignoring anything that contradicts what I already believe.

49.) Because I don't know what confirmation bias is.

50.) Because "GOD DID IT" is the answer to anything I don't immediately comprehend and I certainly don't understand evolution.

Ladies and gentlemen, I rest my case. Quod erat demonstrandum, I fucking win. Take that you EVILutionists!

~By Bobbie Jean Pentecost
  • Mood: Anger
  • Listening to: The screams of dying morons
  • Watching: Moron death
  • Playing: Whack-a-moron!
  • Eating: Morons
  • Drinking: The blood of morons
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:iconfenrisfil:
Summary: Stupid people are stupid.

Okay, moving on.
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:iconbobbie-the-jean:
Bobbie-the-Jean Feb 3, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Someone doesn't have a sense of humor.
Reply
:iconfenrisfil:
I tried shooting fish in a barrel once, it wasn't quite as fun as I was led to believe. Mostly I just got wet and then I had to buy a new barrel.
Reply
:iconbobbie-the-jean:
Bobbie-the-Jean Mar 17, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
Hey, fine, not your cup of tea but hey, a lot of other people enjoyed it. I was only even trying to be funny in the first place. You can't reason with people who have disavowed reason. Might as well make fun of em. What else can we do?
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:iconnatteheks:
This is just awesome :D
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:iconjaredr4125:
You call people you love morons and want them to die/drink their blood?

You can say you're joking but you're not. You detest followers because they remind you that God is anxiously waiting to be in a relationship with you. They remind you that He loves you. That makes you uncomfortable because you know the way you live is not the way He had planned for you.

You express you're anger with a comic overtone because you're trying to show that you don't care. But the fact that you made this post shows how much you do. It bothers you that no matter how much you make fun of the shy kid, no matter how much you reject someone who chose to love you first, no matter how much you whack-a-moron, they continue to show you kindness and love, love that comes from your Father.
Reply
:iconbobbie-the-jean:
Bobbie-the-Jean Feb 11, 2013  Professional Digital Artist
You call people you love morons and want them to die/drink their blood? First off, that is not part of the journal. Secondly, it is sarcasm. *facepalm* Are you like.... new to the internet?

You detest followers because they remind you that God I don't detest them, I pity them. They are brainwashed, suffering from a lack of education, or lying to themselves.

God is anxiously waiting to be in a relationship with you. Which one? Zeus? Thor? Quetzalcoatl? Oh.... you mean Yahweh? The one who murders children and commands the slaughter of atheists?

That makes you uncomfortable because you know the way you live is not the way He had planned for you. I am an atheist. That means I don't believe in your god. I'll believe in him when he proves he exists. And even if he did prove he exists, I'd still be against him because as the bible shows, he's a disgusting, evil, rotten monster. What kind of an evil god demands you worship him and threatens you with hellfire if you don't then calls that "love?"

because you're trying to show that you don't care. I'm not trying to show that I don't care. I'm trying to point out how stupid it is not to believe in evolution.

But the fact that you made this post shows how much you do. I do care. I care about educating people about the wonders of science. I care about explaining to people that you don't have to believe in god to be a good person. That we don't have to hurt each other. That we don't have to live in ignorance. That we don't have to be afraid.

It bothers you that no matter how much you make fun of the shy kid I would never do such a thing. Besides, I WAS that shy kid who got made fun of.

they continue to show you kindness and love Very few people have shown me love and kindness and my father was a sociopathic piece of shit who tried to burn our house down with us in it.

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:iconjustamantoday:
Evolution theory does not state that humans originated from apes and chimps and gorillas. Somewhere millions of years back in time, there were different tribes of homo sapiens and some of them got larger and larger brains. While others did not or did but then died out because the other guys out-smarted them or killed them. And while those that perhaps even got smaller brains eventually became chimps, our tribes eventually became the superior beings we are today. We cannot make fire and if the electricity goes out we have about a week to live. But otherwise we are great and all mighty. My argument against (insert god here) creating humans is why would god waste magic energy on something as shitty, pathetic and pointless as humans.
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