My sister linked me to this: [link] and demanded I write a review. I think it actually came out quite tame compared to 99% of my rants. XD Usually there is a fair bit of explosive cursing and rage-foaming.
Once in a lifetime, a product so perfectly elegant, so amazingly well suited to one, singular cause, will descend into your life like an angel from on high in a luminescent cloud of billowing hopes and dreams. You may never see the likes of such a thing again or anything that comes even remotely close to comparing. It is as if the artifact was forged by the Gods themselves in the furnaces of Mount Olympus specifically with you in mind. I can hear mighty Hephaestus as he raises his hammer overhead, declaring in a thundering voice, "THIS ONE IS NOT SPARKLY ENOUGH!!!" That we of the fairer sex should find ourselves graced with such benevolent fortune as to discover so perfect a gift laid out upon our desks, is nothing short of remarkable, unfathomable.
We should give praise to the Gods and perhaps timidly, respectfully, with deep deference and humility, petition them to grant a gift of equivalent magnitude to the males in our lives, seeing as how this entire side of the color spectrum is apparently off limits to them. Perhaps the Gods will bestow upon these woefully deprived menfolk such writing utensils in colors of Gunmetal Gray, Explosion Yellow, and Bacon Red. The gift will blast forth from the fathomless depths in a cloud of explosions to the blaring, screechy guitar rifts of ACDC and Metallica while impossibly hot, naked women lick and writhe against it. And those of the XY chromosome shall be thus blest.
Men are piteous and sad to have been denied such a gift. We can only hope that the Gods will take mercy on them and show these poor, aggrieved creatures the unbridled joy and splendor of writing utensils crafted specifically for the societally enforced gender norms and proclivities that, of course, all men and women conform perfectly to.
Now pardon me, I am feeling a strong, feminine urge to go bedazzle myself in gemstones, ribbons, and pink frills then frolic à la Sound of Music through fields of sunshine and kittens.